Blessed Are the Caregivers

March 3 is both my wife's birthday and Caregiver Appreciation Day

In the fall of 2016, my wife and I unknowingly began a journey of caregiving that would last about five years in total, as the health of both of her parents greatly deteriorated. The leadership and compassion my wife showed for her parents over this time will always warm my heart.

From diagnosis to in-home hospice services, it was an extremely difficult time and an experience that will change a person forever. During this time (especially with the Covid overlap), I did quite a bit of songwriting. It was a way for me to cope with all the stress in the moment.

Songwriting allows me to focus simply on something right in front of me and take my mind off other concerns as I explore a concept that might become a song. A story. Something meaningful. An expression of feeling through words. Just trying to make sense of something that is often perplexing like living as a caregiver. Sometimes I might sit down with a certain idea in mind but that’s not always the case. Mostly I just start banging around on the guitar and wait until I feel a hook of some kind pulling me in a direction. And then it seems some element of a recent experience will bring me to the doorstep of a new song.

The more I share our story about caregiving, the more I hear from others who have climbed that tough hill as well. And it changes people. In the last week alone, I’ve listened to very personal stories of folks caring for others with dementia, MS and ALS. All three extremely challenging ailments with a great need for care. And in these conversations, I gained so much respect as people talked about the difficulties in these diseases, losing a loved one, navigating systems for the betterment of someone else, their commitment to their cause and the overall selflessness that comes with the territory.

Front rooms becoming bedrooms, medical equipment scattered about the home, learning feeding systems, carrying heavy oxygen apparatuses and so much other medical knowledge you had hoped you’d never learn. As you learn the details, you better understand resilience, goodness and compassion from fellow humans. I’ve been compelled to share a hug and let people know how much I respect their efforts.

An estimated 40 million Americans have reported living as a family caregiver in the past 5 years. Over 40% of these caregivers suffer from depression. Because it’s hard. It’s messy. It’s a tunnel that doesn’t seem to have light on the other side. And help is in short supply—85% of family caregivers do not receive any respite care.

Throughout our years as caregivers, I remember several people saying “please let me know how I can help.” It was always a nice gesture, but rarely did it lighten the heavy, constant load.

Caregiver Appreciation Day is observed on March 3 every year. The day aims to honor, appreciate, and thank the selfless caregivers who give their time and effort to care for those in need. So, on this Caregiver Appreciation Day, I would plea to any of us that the next time we think of a friend that is carrying the heavy load of care for someone else, we consider going beyond asking what we can do to help. Try creating a random act of kindness for them in the form of some respite care.

Stop by with an easy-to-bake meal and a little care packet of fun goodies. Buy tickets for a show you can attend together and orchestrate a visit from a home health aide while you’re gone. Schedule a massage for them while you swing by to watch a movie with their loved one. Just take the wheel.

You could hire a musical therapist to stop by for a few songs. Perhaps a cleaning crew to come in and shine up a house. Give them a Moleskine for their own journaling. My wife will tell you that the most welcome gift of all was just time. For someone else to be in the house for a while so she could run a few errands or even just take a nap.

My wife is amazing and strong. Her ability to navigate the care of her parents while being a loving mother and spouse is something I will admire forever, but I wish I had been more aware of the importance for respite care along the care.

March 3 is a special day because we celebrate my wife’s birthday in this family and, coincidentally, it is also Caregiver Appreciation Day.

I started a song about dementia sometime during our caregiving journey. Keith Price, my wife’s Dad, and one cool father-in-law, experienced medically-induced dementia after a cancer diagnosis that he beat in his 80s. Keith was an extremely bright and intelligent man, so his dementia journey was quite tough to witness. It pained him. I very much wanted it to end for him and one day it eventually did, but it was an arduous experience.

A few nights before Keith passed, we caught something out of the ordinary on the Ring camera that we had installed to help prevent some of the occasional escape artist acts he would attempt. In the moment, the object gave both my wife and I chills, as we immediately got the feeling it was a loved one on the other side stopping by to show Keith the way. This little orb of light also found its way into my song.

I recently sang this song out live for my friends at the Legendary Byron’s in Pomeroy. They are such a caring and respecting audience it felt like the right place to start sharing this song. Local videographer and fellow storyteller Steve Ross had mentioned his time living as a caregiver for his significant other with MS earlier in the night while we were setting it up and it falls in line with the ongoing motif of finding the light through the dark. While it’s not finished and essentially untitled, I think it’s important to talk about dementia, caregiving and raise awareness about millions of our neighbors and friends that are living graciously as caregivers.

Untitled Dementia by Chip Albright

Minds are going blind by the mouths of the lords and we don’t know

As orbs fly in the night and time has slowed

Darkness please fade away

Release all the pain

Whoever thought it’d go on this long should have written another song

And mind don’t go and leave this body all alone

And mind don’t go and leave this body all alone

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